I hate cancer. Hate hate hate it. It's ok to hate what God hates and I'm betting cancer is on His list too.
Tomorrow on Thanksgiving day, his favorite holiday, will be 12 years since my dad went to heaven. 12 years since cancer took him too young, only 48. Too soon as my kids were not even in thought yet and my two younger siblings were still growing into adulthood.
Death sucks. Period. We who are left behind suffer grief not everyone understands. I've lost grandparents and it is sad, but it is different. They lived long full lives and my Grandma Sims was ready to be with Jesus long before He finally took her home. My dad only lived half his life here. Grandchildren he never got to see. My girls love him so even never having met him. They speak of him like he was living in another town and we just havn't seen him in a while... that is heaven to them. They know we will see him there. I know I will see him there.
I still miss him and somedays just wish it had all been different. But it isn't. I would of missed the good God brought out of the bad here. My faith has been deepend tremendously over these 12years, not because my dad died... no good comes of that act of death other than the release of his soul into heaven. But the good comes because I had to rely on God more. I had to seek Him and make choices of how I would go forward based on what I know about my Lord. The struggles our family has gone through has forced me to realize so many things I never would of. Wish them away and I'd have no idea how to lean into Christ, how to forgive over and over, how to love no matter if love isn't given back, how to be thankful ever so thankful for my 3 loves God has brought into my life. For me to be different. Because I am. Life moments like these change us. And it propelled me to listen to God's leading on my life...so many journeys I never would of thought up myself. So many life lessons I had to learn to get here and it all boils down to "that life isn't easy". If it had been, why would I need God? God doesn't cause death, He revives us in it.
And that cancer, it threatens people I love. Some too young. But what I have learned is "do not worry or be anxious but pray" This is where it is different this time...I am praying. Constantly. And I am closer to God than I was back then. I know He listens, and He speaks to me and I've seen what He can do. I am trusting in all he has shown me in miricles for Blake this year that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! God loves these people more than they know. God has this and He has my heart and theirs and I will fix my eyes on Jesus no matter what. No, past has shown me that worry doesn't do anything good and ignoring it leaves God out, but constant prayer and trust and love DOES. I choose peace and prayer and when my flesh leans to worry, because at times it will, I pray He leads me back.
I miss you daddy. Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven. ♡