Thursday, January 1, 2015

New Year = Pruning

I felt God leading me to the need to prune some things in life for the new year. One including closing fb down and my private IG page. I will keep the Instagram @graspingwhimsy public page up for sharing our creative doings (knitting, painting, embroidery, woodworking, woodsigns,  home improvements, and kiddie crafting...) It will also serve as being a place to donate items we create or money to fundraising auctions I so love on IG. And for a place to connect and pray for and with others.

I think here in this little corner of blogspace I will leave it soley for the kidney story.  I plan to journal the old fashioned way this year with paper and pen :-)

Please do continue to share my blog with people who may become kidney donors or who just need an upliftiting story of how God can weave such blessings and miracles into the lives of two strangers!  Two families!

I may keep adding some updates of the kidney story as time goes on but it may be very infrequent.   Those who follow Blake, please do keep tabs on his mamas blog

AND please always keep praying for him as he grows. We thank the Lord we are both doing great at the start of this New Year! And we thank you all from the depths of our hearts for all the love,  support and prayers this last year and a half. What a journey! I'd never ever change being a kidney donor. Im so glad God used me!

***CHECK YES for organ donation on your drivers license! ***

May Christ fill your spirit every single day. God's blessing on you all.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

To write or not to write

It's so annyoing sometimes that I put so much thought into the things I do. I desire to do the will of God, to let Him lead that sometimes I make small decisions seem big. Sometimes I turn ordinary moments that don't have a right or wrong biblically into all or nothing answers.

I wrote a Christmas letter like I do every year...only this year I wasn't sure if I should. It actually was erased by computer shut down and I havn't decided if I should rewrite it or just forgo it altogether. If it was a sign to let it go.

I so enjoy reading those letters and I do enjoy writing them...but at times while I write it feels braggy and "look at me". It feels showy and prideful. I never read those letters sent to me that way. I enjoy them!

I get the same feelings sometimes when I write in this blogspace though.  So I go a long while without writing. I desire to share Christ from the roof tops and what He is doing in our lives but in love, in a way that speaks humbly not showy.  I never want someone to feel like their life isn't as good or that their life is better by reading my daily doings. It is a hard balance with humble and pride.  To not tear ourselves or others down but to build us up in encourgament though not pride while sharing our God stories for His glory. I wonder if anyone else has this struggle?

So I wait...I pray He makes it clear to write or not write this years Christmas  or New Years letter, or just send a photo or not do anything at all. I pray He makes me see it isn't an all or nothing or a right or wrong, just a nudge of His direction specifically for me, for this year. Oh how this can be applied to many many areas of life. In end that at the heart of what I do, I do joyfully for Him. Whether to do or abstain. This season and always.

Merry Christmas my friends. May your entire heart be filled with His Holy Spirit and His joy and His peace.  #shinejesus

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thanksgiving in Heaven

I hate cancer. Hate hate hate it. It's ok to hate what God hates and I'm betting cancer is on His list too.

Tomorrow on Thanksgiving day, his favorite holiday,  will be 12 years since my dad went to heaven. 12 years since cancer took him too young, only 48. Too soon as my kids were not even in thought yet and my two younger siblings were still growing into adulthood.

Death sucks. Period. We who are left behind suffer grief not everyone understands. I've lost grandparents and it is sad, but it is different. They lived long full lives and my Grandma Sims was ready to be with Jesus long before He finally took her home. My dad only lived half his life here. Grandchildren he never got to see. My girls love him so even never having met him. They speak of him like he was living in another town and we just havn't seen him in a while... that is heaven to them. They know we will see him there. I know I will see him there.

I still miss him and somedays just wish it had all been different. But it isn't.  I would of missed the good God brought out of the bad here.  My faith has been deepend tremendously over these 12years, not because my dad died... no good comes of that act of death other than the release of his soul into heaven. But the good comes  because I had to rely on God more. I had to seek Him and make choices of how I would go forward based on what I know about my Lord. The struggles our family has gone through has forced me to realize so many things I never would of. Wish them away and I'd have no idea how to lean into Christ, how to forgive over and over, how to love no matter if love isn't given back, how to be thankful ever so thankful for my 3 loves God has brought into my life. For me to be different. Because I am. Life moments like these change us. And it propelled me to listen to God's leading on my many journeys I never would of thought up myself. So many life lessons I had to learn to get here and it all boils down to "that life isn't easy". If it had been, why would I need God? God doesn't cause death, He revives us in it.

And that cancer, it threatens people I love. Some too young. But what I have learned is "do not worry or be anxious but pray" This is where it is different this time...I am praying. Constantly. And I am closer to God than I was back then.  I know He listens, and He speaks to me and I've seen what He can do. I am trusting in all he has shown me in miricles for Blake this year that ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! God loves these people more than they know.  God has this and He has my heart and theirs and I will fix my eyes on Jesus no matter what. No, past has shown me that worry doesn't do anything good and ignoring it leaves God out, but constant prayer and trust and love DOES.  I choose peace and prayer and when my flesh leans to worry, because at times it will, I pray He leads me back.

I miss you daddy. Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven. ♡

Monday, November 17, 2014

Cabin in the woods

We went to a cabin this weekend. Stayed just one night. It wasn't our fav place as it doesn't even compare to the cabin we stayed at a few years ago with a groupon. But it isn't about the environment as much as it us about the memories. Our girls are going to remember the first snow of the year big enough to play in at this cabin. They will remember the old swivel rockers they laughed with and the warm fuzzy blankets.  They will remember mom knitting and dad snoozing after a busy week, all of us in the same large room just being together. No agenda, no homeschooling, no housework, no home improvments...just us. Together. Those are the best memories and it was worth the extra money we spent on a mediocre cabin for one night in the woods which through their eyes was magical and in turn make my eyes see pure beauty.

Monday, November 10, 2014

My Biggest Failure

Love does groups are thriving in our church family. I almost didn't go but God had plans.

Last night one question was what was your biggest failure? I had one specific situation in mind from waay past, but I knew it reached deeper and more broad to my whole life than just a specific moment. I couldn't put my finger on it till I read this post today.

My biggest failure is choosing judgments, righteousness, or not good enough feelings in parenting and other areas of life over love in relationships. Comparrison.  

I have learned as my kids are no longer babies and toddlers that all that stuff we focus on so much really doesn’t matter. I mean it's good we are informed and make choices but the point is for us, make it and move on. The comparrision and /or righteous or not good enough feelings are so unnecessary. The relationships we have are so much more important!!  

God has grown me in many years through many hard situations. I have lost relationships in the process. But He has also brought a variety of people who have made all sorts of different decisions than I have into my life to help prune my heart.  The work done to my heart was necessary.  I have been able to mend most of those relationships and I'm praying the last two also will be. Steps are being taken and God is moving but it isn't easy. I have to swallow my pride, bare my guilt and choose love over and over. But I am no longer the person I was.

Compassion lives here more than comparrision. Love lives here more than judgment.  It is a daily choice.

I am so thankful for this post (click on link) to reach into my heart as a reminder of who I once was and who He is making me into.  This writer is a blessing to me! Go read and share, maybe someone else in your life needs the reminders. ♡


Saturday, November 1, 2014

1 year kidney donor

I have one kidney. I have one kidney. I donated a kidney. It's been a year. I have one kindey....

Sometimes these statments just fleet in and blow my mind! It's been a year people.  A YEAR!! So much has happened this year. The only thing I'd of changed is Blake not have had such a hard time post transplant. That blood stream infection just was awful awful awful and I'm sooo thankful our Father God makes miracles happen! So thankful that kidney stayed strong and Blake was such a brave strong fighter. I sometimes go to the moments of what could of been...BUT I see where he is now and oh the JOY!!!!!

I had my 1 year labs this week. They took blood to run kidney labs. They were great! Same as 6 mo post. Creatinine 0.9 and gfr 73. Also checked BP, urine and weight. I filled out UNOS paperwork so they can keep track of donors. I will do the same at 2 yrs post.  Then every year at my own doctor and every 6mo bp check, both of those for life. And that's it. Seems crazy that your body simply adapts after they take an organ! Praising Jesus! 

I feel normal. I have energy and my menstral has finally evened out from the surgery. ( I mention this stuff for future donors, it helped me a ton to read detailed donor stories!) For some, surgeries just cause this to go out of wack,  I found magnesium supplements and Progesence plus essential oil on my wrist daily really kicks cramps! That's a huge blessing as they were killer and I don't take NSAID anymore for kidney health. Tylenol doesn't always cut it. I am still numb from belly button down to large incision. I've gotten so used to it it feels normal not to feel it! Surgeon said it may come back within 2 years so time will tell. I still have random pangs on my front right side. Nothing hurts just odd stuff occassionally.  I also feel more off when I havn't drank enough keep those kidneys happy!!! Drink water!!

We were asked to do an artcle in Womans World Magazine for the Month of October, and so Jamie and I did. It didn't write up as we would of liked, but even with all the embellsihments to make it storyline, I hope it brought hope to believe in miracles and prodded some to go DO something for others. God doesn't want us to simply say we love, but to show love does! Even to strangers.

To celebrate the 1 yr versary, I designed a kidney donor tattoo on my wrist. It includes the bible verse that has spurred me to keep going through all that life brings. Fix my eyes on Jesus....That is all I need to do in everything.

On Wed, I actually get to see Blake on our one year by random chance! I made him a Brave monster with our kidney date on it. He has been so Brave his whole life not even knowing he was! Brave isn't the absence of fear it is simply breathing through it all and hoping in better days. Living the moment even when it is tough, oh so tough. Blake has taught me to be BRAVE. I am forever changed. I'm so thankful to know the Burdorfs, a year ago we were strangers.  That seems very strange now!! 

  I'd say, one kidney suits me well! After a year,  I'd still say I would do it all over again. But I will keep the other one! Do go sign that donor card and donate blood and help someone out and maybe donate living organs... so many possibilities! 

#donatelife #keepfightingblake #whengodsaysgiveakidney